As parents and educators, we all want to raise confident, motivated children who believe in themselves. We cheer, we clap, we say “Good job!” because we want kids to feel proud of their accomplishments. But here’s a question worth asking: Are we praising them in ways that truly build motivation, or are we accidentally teaching them to rely on our approval? The answer lies in understanding the subtle yet powerful difference between praise and encouragement. Here is some advice from the best infant school in Guildford.
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Praise: Rewarding the Outcome
Praise often focuses on the end result or the child’s traits:
“You’re so smart!”
“You’re the best artist!”
“I’m proud of you!”
These statements feel positive, and they are—but they can also have hidden side effects. Over time, kids may begin to chase approval rather than enjoy the process of learning or doing.
They start to think, “If I don’t do it perfectly next time, will I still be smart? Will you still be proud?”
Psychologists have found that when children are praised for being “smart,” they can become less willing to take risks. Failure starts to feel like a threat to their identity.
Encouragement: Valuing the Effort
Encouragement shifts the focus from who the child is to what the child does.
It sounds more like:
“You worked really hard on that puzzle.”
“You kept trying, even when it was tough.”
“You must feel proud of how much you’ve improved.”
Encouragement highlights effort, persistence, and strategy; the elements children can control. It helps them internalise motivation: “I can do hard things,” rather than “I’m only good when someone says so.” This approach builds what psychologist Carol Dweck calls a growth mindset, the belief that abilities can grow through practice and perseverance.
Praise vs. Encouragement: A Simple Shift
| Instead of saying… | Try saying… |
| “You’re so smart!” | “You found a clever way to solve that problem.” |
| “You’re the best player!” | “Your practice really shows—you’ve improved a lot.” |
| “I’m proud of you.” | “You must be proud of what you accomplished.” |
| “Good job!” | “You worked hard and stayed focused until the end.” |
This shift may seem small, but it makes a big difference. Encouragement tells kids that their effort matters more than perfection, and that they have the power to grow and improve.
Why It Matters
When children learn to measure success by their own effort and progress, they become more resilient, independent, and self-motivated. They’re less afraid of mistakes because they understand that learning is a process, not a performance. Encouragement doesn’t inflate self-esteem artificially; it builds it from the inside out. Praise feels good in the moment, but encouragement lasts a lifetime. By shifting from “You’re amazing!” to “You worked so hard on that!”, we help kids discover the joy of effort, the courage to take risks, and the confidence that comes from genuine growth.
Because ultimately, what really motivates kids isn’t our applause, it’s their own belief that they can keep learning, trying, and growing.
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